Default Page Title

Reclaim The Pants

For previous months' results, scroll down

2009 Nostradamus Challenge

Keep track of the comp by clicking "Mr Nostra" page

Mr Amber's article on Reclaim The Pants in Sunday Life (5 Jan 2005)

Click here for Sunday Age article on Reclaim the Pants (August 2003)

Click here for Sam Kekovich interviewing Mr Mauve

Click for 6PR jocks interviewing Mr Mauve(1)

Click for 6PR jocks interviewing Mr Mauve(2)

Click for 6PR jocks interviewing Mr Mauve(3)

Click for 6PR jocks interviewing Mr Mauve(4)

Click for 6PR jocks interviewing Mr Mauve(5)

Click for 6PR jocks interviewing Mr Mauve(6)

Favourite Politicians

5 votes..............Paul Keating

4 votes..............Ciccioline Mussolini

2 votes.............Jim Cairns

Nelson Mandela

Winston Churchill

Gough

1 vote...............Jacques Chirac, Arnie, William Pitt (the younger), Jeff Kennett, Alan Stockdale

Vaclev Hamel, Xanana Gusmao, Jessie The Body Ventura, Al Grassby

Sonny Bono, Don Dunstan, Moss Cass, Don Chipp,

Billy Sneddon (for posthumous achievements), Enoch Powell, Pierre Trudeau

Ed Koch, Pinochet, LBJ, Graham Richardson, Natasha Stott-Despoja

Red Ronnie

Who or what should be plutoed - and by whom

to pluto (origin obvious): to eliminate one member of a group or collection in order to bolster

the integrity of the remaining members

the brother from The Corrs

vegetarian restaurants from restaurants

the Hawkeye-directed episodes from MASH

"Mull Of Kintyre" from Paul McCartney's ouvre

Moe from Victorian country towns

Fremantle from the AFL

Andrew Bolt from the AJA

Mr Cerise from Pants

Mr Thames-Mud from Pants

no, Mr Cerise from Pants

no, Mr Thames-Mud from Pants (don't ask)

Nikki Hilton from the Hiltons

Libby Gore, Kate Fischer et al - from talk shows

the 50 metre arc from football

Bill Wyman

Speedy Gonzales from the Warner Brothers cavalcade of stars

Adelaide from Australian capital cities

Canberra from the world's national capitals

4-wheel-drives from acceptable city cars

The Peel Hotel

Don Burke from the fraternity of gardeners

plastic jugs from hotel equipment

Cary Grant's wives

John Entwhistle from the Who

bass guitarists from rock bands

garnish from drinks and meals

Dannii Minogue from The Minogues

pretentious overblown descriptions from wine/beer labels

babyccinos from cafe menus

footy shows from sports shows

Melbourne suburbs south of the Yarra from Melbourne

Bob Katter from politicians

teams 5,6,7,8 from 8-team AFL and NRL finals line-ups

Double-0s 1,2,3,4,5,6.......8,9

barmaid's apparel from barmaids (from the Sydney chapter!)

the token black guy (who did nothing) from Hogan's Heroes (also from the Sydney Chapter

but seconded by Melbourne Chapter)

Tinkie Winkie

Agent 13

Andrew Ridgley from Wham!

homework that parents end up doing - from children's responsibilities

Captain Feathersword

Herald - Sun Challenge

Fill in the gaps in the following verbatim Herald-Sun article

Full list of answers are somewhere down this page (after May 1st 2007)

(dashes indicate number of letters)

CRAZED MOB PROVES STELLA'S A SELLER

Fashion fans went --r-- as clothes by international designer Stella McCartney
went on sale at Target stores across the country yesterday

The ---- scenes at the Chadstone store when it opened at 10am were reminiscent of ----------a

Security staff ------ for cover and small children were caught in the s------- of
more than 200 f------- women

B------ men watched their women go -----

One t-------- five-year-old was jostled and --- in the mad s------- to grab glothes

Racks were cleared of the designer threads within -------

Clothes were even ------ --- mannequins

------ erupted as shoppers -----h-- items from other shoppers in the -------

Staff bringing out more clothes to fill the emptied racks were ---n--- on

Yvonne Moon, 46, said she had never seen such ----s

Chris Roth was jostled as she tried to protect her ------g daughter,
who had been hit in the face

The f------ f------ f----- had other children frightened and in tears

SOLUTIONS (ORIGINAL ARTICLE)

Previous Surveys

History's Greatest Passengers

Ringo

Garfunkel

Double Os 1-6 and 8-9

Mike from “The Young Ones”

Dannii Minogue

Dannii Minogue's second "i"

Siimon Reynolds's second "i"

Maggie Simpson

6 y.o. Tracy Partridge

Mussolini

Kevin Federline

Glen Boss (to Makybe Diva)

Jodhi Meares (to her breasts)

the non-Book-or-Epistle-writing Disciples

Crosby and Nash

Yoko Ono

Andy Ridgway

Graham Chapman

Zeppo

Rose Hancock

Paul Allen (Microsoft)

Courtney Love

Agent 13

Lisa Marie Presley

David Hasselhoff (to Pamela A)

Reubens Barichello

Marriage (to Sex)

Gabrielle Richens (to the ARL)

Terry Irwin

Oates

Crofts

Phillip Brady

Mini Me

Mark Thatcher

non-sports-loving Melburnians

Mimi McPherson

Butthead

Premier Kennett's MP colleagues

Ronnie Wood

Kate Langbrook

Tommy Woodcock

Greatest Villains Voting Results

1st place: Ben Kingsley in "Sexy Beast"

2nd: Captain Binghamton (McHale's Navy)

3rd: Dr Zachary Smith

4th: Frank (Dennis Hopper) from "Blue Velvet"

5th: Alex from "A Clockwork Orange"

6th: Montgomery Burns

7th: Max Cady (Robert De Niro) in "Cape Fear"

8th: Jack Lemmon in "The Great Race"

9th: Siegfried from "Get Smart"

10th: J. R. Ewing

Notable third-stringers

George Harrison

Channel Ten

Max Walker

La Trobe University

Chrysler Valiants

astronaut Michael Collins

Derek Smalls

Wilbur's wife

the Holy Ghost

Blairgowrie

Bernard Wooley from Yes Minister

Bobby Davis

Thunderbird 3 (hence the name)

Brisbane

The Who

Jan Brady

Jose Carreras

"Hear No Evil"

MacDuff

Chicago

Brian Jones

Delvene Delaney

Philip Brady

Scott Evil

Baldrick

Alexander Downer

Trevor Marmalade

True Origins Of Aussie Place Names

Wonthaggi means "shit I've missed the Philip Island turn-off"

Moe Moccasins On Ecstasy

Adelaide: commemorating the spot where the members of the Aussie suburban

rock group ADDA (Archie, Darlene, Doreen, Arnie) all lost their virginity

Perth: named after an item found in Ita Buttrose's handbag

Woolongong: site of the first Red Faces competition for those with sensitive hearing

Kurri Kurri named after a vindaloo that repeated

Euroa acronym for "Everyone's Ugly Round Our Area"

Hobart Young male Simpson turning tricks

Canberra multiple rear orifices

Longreach Birthplace of Luc Longley

Walhalla where waliant wikings go

Manly in denial

Aussie Music Bio-pics

(ala Ray! Johnny Cash, etc.)

Tramspotting! (story of Alison Durban)

starring (early Alison): Paris Hilton

starring (later Alison): Janis Joplin

plot: becomes Queen of Pop, sleeps with King Johnny Farnham, turns to heroin

(to be directed by Mr Charcoal)

Normie!

starring Leonardo di Caprio

At the height of his career, Normie's Vietnam marble gets pulled out of the hat

(or did it???)

(to be directed by Mr Puce)

Castaway! (story of Ronnie Burns)

starring Shane Crawford (post AFL career)

When Ronnie is spooked by the doomsdayers predicting complete social chaos

and El Nino flooding upon the turn of the century, he bunkers himself in a Tasmanian mountain cabin

stocked with canned beef and bottled water.

(to be directed by Mr Firetruck Red)

Scenic Railway! (story of Farnsy)

(starring Keifer Sutherland)

Farnsy becomes King Of Pop (up)

Farnsy hosts childrens show (down)

Farnsy joins Little River Band (up)

Little River band “lets Farnsy go” (down)

Farnsy releases "You’re The Voice" (up)

Farnsy becomes Australian of Year (really really up)

The real “Sadie” approaches Farnsy, demanding back-royalties (down)

Farnsy closes Commonwealth Games (up)

Farnsy accidentally repeats first verse of “Voice” in process (down)

Farnsy gives Australia a thumbs-up (up)

(directed by Mr Mauve)

Pitch a Shakespeare play to Hollywood

Hamlet:                                    "UNDECIDED"   starring Clint Eastwood

Richard III:                               "Dude, Where's My Horse"   starring Ashton Kutcher

MacBeth:                                "I Know What You Did Last Sunday"    starring Sarah

Antony & Cleopatra              "Ssssssssuicide"    Megan Gale, Eric Bana

Much Ado About Nothing: "Seinfeld, the Movie" Starring the usual cast.

2 Gentlemen Of Verona "Gentle And Gentler" B1, B2

Othello "Alien Vs Predator" - Wesley Snipes, Steve Buscemi

King Lear "Once Twice Three Times a Lady" - Charlie's Angels, Barry Otto

King Lear "Descent into madness" - Russell Crowe

Othello "Men in Black III" - Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones

Julius Caesar "JULIUS SUMNER"

                                      Synopsis: A mad scientist is stabbed with his own test tubes on the

                                      steps of GTV9 by a large, middle-aged, bald-headed man wearing wrestling

                                      trunks. Before he expires, Julius gargles "Et tu, Brute!"

                                      Christopher LLoyd as the professor, Darren Lehmann as Brute

 Bernard.

Titus Andronicus "Tits And Ass" JLo

MacBeth "Reservoir Dogs In Kilts" Robbie Carlisle, Ewan MacGregor, a goggomobile

Merchant Of Venice "28 Grams" - Robbie Coltrane (Bassanio) Paris Hilton (Portia)

Dustin Hoffman (Shylock)

Merry Wives Of Windsor "Desperate Housewives" - Helen Mirren, Lisa McCune

Romeo & Juliet "Shrek" - Arnie Schwarzenegger, Cameron Diaz

Othello "Alien 4" - Samuel L. Jackson, Halle Berry

Julius Caesar "The Grout" - Frank Walker from National Tiles, Big Kev

Troilus And Cressida "Oh What A Feeling"

Pericles - Prince Of Tyres "Drive Your Dollar Further"

our november survey asked for

What was the most significant (your definition)

2-year period in music? (and why, briefly)

- max of 4 entries -

Nominations

76-77 Dead Elvis, Sex Pistols

?-84-? Live Aid

65-66 Rubber Soul Revolver, Electric Dylan

68-69 Monkees writers (Carol King, Neil Diamond, Carole Bayer)

67-68 Sgt pepper, Doors, Byrds, janis, Jimi, hippie-pop

80-81 new wave, clash,

1426-27 Baroque/Gregorian schism

1794-95 Mozart/Beethaoven at 24 paces

1921-22 Enrico caruso/Richard Tauber - last man standing

91-92 Nirvana - grunge

64-65 British Invasion: Brit artists at No 1 in 56 out of 104 weeks

our october survey asked for

Which role could not have been played by anyone else?

eg. Gilligan-Bob Denver, Maxwell Smart-Don Adams

and counterclaims

Irreplaceable in the role    Disagree – replaceable by

Michael Hutchence                   Jim Morrison

Hymie                               Harrison Ford

Bill Murray (Lost In Translation)   Jack Nicholson

Col’n Carpenter                     Bryan Nankervis

Anthony Hopkins (Hannibal Lecter)   Rutger Hauer, Derek Jacobi, Mike Williamson

Jim Bacchus (T.Howell 111)          Paul Lynde

Mr Magoo                            Elmer Fudd, Walter Matthau, John Howard

The Truck In "Duel"                 Any Petrol tanker

Paul Lyneham                        Andrew Denton

Brando (Godfather)                  Pee Wee Herman

Don Rickles                         Kelsey Grammer

Clint Eastwood                      Lee van Cleef

Humphrey Bogart                     Ronald Reagan

Lassie                              Sandra Sully

Jack N (Cuckoos Nest)               Eli Wallach, Mark Latham

Dustin Hoffman (Rain Man)           Daniel Day Lewis

Nicky Webster Sydney 2000            Jo Beth Bonnett

Homer Simpson                        John Candy

Peter Sellers (Pink Panther)          Marty Feldman

Sid James (Any Carry On Movie)

Beatrice Dall  (Betty Blue)

Anjelina Jolie  (Anything)

Elizabeth Taylor  (National Velvet)

Eddie Murphy   (Coming to America)

Michael Caine   (Alfie)

David Gulpihil   (Tracker)

Linda Lovelace    (Deep Throat)         Monica Lewinski

Sigouney Weaver    (Aliens)

Marcel Marceau   (Silent Movie)

Mike Myers    (Austen Powers)

Sidney Poitier   (Guess...dinner)

Arnold Swarzenegger   (Anything)         Rodin's The Thinker

Daniel Day Lewis (Last of Mohecans)

Eddie Murphy     (Trading Places)

Jodie Foster   (Taxi Driver)

Robert de Niro    (Taxi Driver)

Marlon Brando     (Waterfront)

Sharon Stone    (Basic Instinct)

Ingrid bergman    (Madame Curie)

Lauren Bacall    (The Big Sleep)

Humphrey Bogart    (African Queen)

Humphrey Bogart    (Play it again Sam)

Woody Allen

Tom Hanks   (Forrest Gump)

Bo Derek    (10    )                    any Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model

Cary Grant  (To Catch a Thief)

Yul Brynner    (The Magnificent Seven)

John Belushi   (The Blues Brothers)

Eric Bana      (Chopper)

Russell Crowe    (Gladiator)

Harvey Keitel    (Pulp Fiction)

Pamela & Tommy    (Their Home Movie)      Warwick and Joanne Capper

Peter Sellers    (Being There)

Arther Daley      (Minder)

The Shark        (Jaws)                    Barry Hall

Rex the Dog     (Inspector Rex)

            Buster(Neighbours), Tiger(Brady Bunch)

Shulz           (Hogans Heroes)            Jon English

Julia Roberts     (Pretty Woman)

Mel Gibson        (Mad Max)                Brad Pitt

WC Fields     (My Little Chickadee)

Mae West      (My Little Chickadee)

Marilyn Monroe    (Some Like it Hot)

our august survey asked for

In the musical "Warner Brothers Meets Hanna Barbera Meets Disney"

who would you cast as whom?

Archie................Fatty Vautin

Road Runner............Anthony Mundine

Pepe le pew..........Matt Dunning

Topcat..............Matthew Johns

Batfink..............Tony Blair

Natasha...............Amanda Vanstone (Rocky & Bullwinkle)

Yogi Bear.............Peter Costelloe

Jughead...............Bob Carr

Spongebob Squarepants.....Eddie McGuire

Weasel...............Rodney Adler

Karate...............James Packer

Jessica Rabbit........Jessica Simpson

Elmer Fudd.............Brad Cooper

The Martian............Tony Abbott

Daffy Duck.............Ray Williams

Master Bates...........Shane Warne

Mr Magoo...............John Howard

Richie Rich............Malcolm Turnbull

Porky Pig..............Kim Beazley

Rojer Ramjet............George Bush

Mighty Mouse............George Gregan

Captain Pugwash.........Allan Jones.

Seaman Stains............Bill Clinton

Chicken Hawk........... Jeff Kennett

Bugs Bunny...Machiavellian, never loses a battle...JOHN HOWARD

Daffy Duck, resourceful, hard working, always

 destined to lose....PETER COSTELLO

Tasmanian Devil, unruly, hairy, prone to sudden outbursts.....RUSSELL CROWE

Mickey Mouse, everyone's favourite, polite, professional....GARY LYON

Donald Duck, the quintessential bumbling sidekick......SAM NEWMAN

Buzz Lightyear, confident, brash but very deluded....ANTHONY MUNDINE

The Egghead kid that outsmarts Foghorn....Andy Thomas

Fred Flinstone's Mother in Law......Lillian Frank

Miss Prissy.....Margaret Thatcher

Sylvester.....Ita Buttrose

our july survey asked for

Worst Victorian Towns

To be sensitive to Moe and other disparaged towns, they shall remain nameless

(but let this be a warning)

our june survey asked for

- Make a Deal with the Devil -

You promise to live a month as A (undesirable)

in return for living the next month as B (very desirable)

please assume that the Devil is no chump,

and will insist that the pain of living as A is commensurate with

(or greater than) the bliss of living as B

penalty month as A in return for reward month as B

Mr Tan Johnny Howard Johnny Depp

Mr Mauve Dean Laidley (May 2005) Dean Laidley (April 2005)

Mr Mahogany John Wayne Bobbit John Wayne Bobbit's schlong

Thames-Mud Amanda Vanstone's underpants Paris Hilton's underpants

Mr Mauve Saddam Hussein's underpants contents of Brad Pitt's underpants

Mr Tan Chris Grant Chris Judd

Mr Basil a 12-year-old at Neverland Ferrari-driving Italian tourist

Mr Pearl Cornelia Rau Amanda Vanstone

Mr Amber John Hipoate's finger Powderfinger

Mr Lemon Slobodan Milosevic Reinhold Meissnerr

Mr Thames Mud Mister Mauve Mister Thames-Mud

Mr Mauve Mister Thames-Mud a ring-tailed possum

Mr Marrakesh Red Rove McManus Julianne Moore's other half

Mr Gooseberry a Sydney cabbie Michael Schumacher

Mr Firetruck Red Gary Ablett 1998 Gary Ablett 1989

Mr Tan Barry Manilow Bono

Mr Tan Mark Latham Nelson Mandela

Mr Watermelon Dennis Thatcher Dennis Lillee

Mr Gooseberry Jimmy Hannan 1986 Jimi Hendrix 1966

Mr Charcoal an overnight guest at Neverland Bill Clinton pre- (or during) Monica

Mr Watermelon Baldrick Captain Flashheart

Mr Watermelon McGyver "the Hoff" Hasselhoff

our may survey asked for

"Who was better? John or Paul"

- Tournament -

Based on the results of the previous Pants survey

(on best Beatles songs)

John and Paul's best tracks are listed in order and each pair plays off

Pantsters have to vote P or J or T(Tie)

to decide who wins each match

Most votes wins and the issue is finally put to rest

PAUL              JOHN

Let It Be        v        Come Together
winner:   Paul

Hey Jude       v         A Day in the Life
winner:   Paul

Yesterday      v         I Am the Walrus
winner:   Paul

Back in the USSR     v        Help!
winner:   Paul

Eleanor Rigby          v        Strawberry Fields Forever
winner:   John

Helter Skelter          v        In My Life
winner:   John

Get Back                v         Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds
winner:   John

Got to Get You into My Life   v   You've Got to Hide Your Love Away
winner: tie

I Saw Her Standing There        v        a Hard Day's Night
winner: John

Love Me Do      v      Revolution
winner: John

so it was John - 5.5 points, Paul 4.5 points

winner John

(his estate has been notified)

our april survey asked for

3 songs (and the food) at your funeral

Mr Cerise If I Could Turn Back Time

Fire

Daniel's Oboe

Food: Burnt Sausages

Mr Mauve Woke Up This Morning - Got Myself A Gun (choice valid if Adam Sandler ever wins an Oscar)

Things have Changed - Dylan

Both Sides Now

Food: Easter Eggs

Mr Pearl Another One Bites The Dust

Da doo doo doo, da dar dar dar

The Last Goodbye - Jeff Buckley

Food - let them eat cake

Mr Basil Two Out Of Three Aint Bad

Romeo and Juliet - Dire Straits

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

Food: Tripe

Mr Zincalume People Aint No Good - Nick Cave

Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

Can't Always Get What You Want

Food: yabbies, Witchity Grubs, Tofu Burgers

Mr Fawn Dark Side Of The Moon

Boys Are Back In Town (in quadrophonic)

Candle In The Wind

Food: Chinese from Fu Lu, Rathdowne Street

Mr Melon Terrence Trent Darby - As Yet Untitled

Oh Mickey! - Toni Basil

Exodus - Mantovani

Mr Firetruck Red Highway To Hell

Knocking On Heaven's Door

Hey St Peter!

Food: Devilled ham

Mr Puce Adios Nowino

Best Time Of Your Life - Green Day

Born To Be Alive - Patrick Hernandez

Food: tapas

Mr Charcoal Theme From Local Hero - Dire Straits

Mr Watermelon Burn for You - INXS (assuming the funeral is at a crematorium)

Down Among the Dead Men - Flash and the Pan

Heart Attack - Olivia Newton-John

Food: Salmon Mousse, using canned salmon

Mr Wild Violet Ted Mulry Gang- Jump in my car

Elvis- Burning Love.

Food: donuts

Mr Brit racing Green Asshole - Dennis Leary

Creep - Radiohead

Loser - Beck

Food: My mother in law's lasagna/canneloni/gnocchi (she's Italian)

Mr Mahogany All Fired Up - Pat Benatar

Make me smile (Come up and see me) - Cockney Rebel

Xanadu - Bob Downe (to finish with in inexcusably bad taste)

Food: Szechuan Tea-smoked Duck in pastry dumplings with spring onion and sweet sauce

Welsh Rarebit; and, Laphroaig Single Malt Whiskey

our march survey asked for

your biopic:

who do you want to play you?

who does the studio want?

who does the budget get?

mr floyd pink harrison ford lyle lovett john michael-howson

mr charcoal david wenham rick moranis jason alexander

mr mahogany pierce brosnan bill paxton danny de vito

dr britracing green george clooney anthony edwards neil patrick harris

mr cerise Bob de niro Bob newhart spongeBob square pants

mr mauve orlando bloom ben stiller Lucky Grilles

mr silver george clooney yul brynner ugly dave gray

mr high-viz yellow jim morrison van morrison danny morrison

mr watermelon will ferrell paul mercurio divine

mr sunburst clint eastwood victor mature mick molloy

mr thamesmud billy zane jim carrey pee wee herman

mr mushroom kevin costner kevin kline Big Kev

mr fawn robert de niro chris walken mcGivor

mr russian blue victor mature charlton heston foghorn leghorn

mr apricot steve bisley dave hughes alfred e neuman

mr amber david wenham paul hogan the count (sesame street)

mr azure burt reynolds danny frawley andrew gaze

mr burnt orange pierce brosnan gerard depardieu alan hale jr

mr melon pee wee herman johnny depp nick giannopolous

mr teflon grey keanu reeves charlton heston anybody

our february survey asked for

best opening lines from songs

A Wop Bop be Loo Bop a Wop bam boom

It's now or never

Happy and I'm smiling

There's a lady who's sure

2 pints of lager and a packet of crisps please

Right About Now

She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean

What a funny ole feller is Humphrey

There must be some kind of way out of here

Inna Gadda Da Vida Baby

Baby did a bad bad thing

Baby we can talk all night

wine song and women and pastry pie and beers

I woke up this morning

With the money from the accident she bought herself a mobile home

hey hey mama I said the way you move

Started Out Just Drinking Beer

Where it began

I left my heart to the sappers 'round Khe Sanh

From St Kilda to Kings Cross is thirteen hours on a bus

Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon

Greg The Stop Sign

I saw him lying on the ground, I saw his pulse rate going down

I made it through the wilderness

hey little girl, comb your hair, fix your make-up

so you think you can tell....heaven from hell

Are you ready Steve? Andy?

And so my time has come - and now I face the final curtain

No stop sign, no speed limits, noone's gonna slow me down

the boys watch the girls watch the boys watch the girls...

I'm a red hot fox, I can take the knocks

Down down deeper and down

There is a house in New Orleans

I've got a page one story buried in my yard

Monday Morning feels so bad

You shake my nerve, you rattle my brain

Happy and I'm smiling

I've been driving all night, my hands are wet on the wheel

Look at them yo-yos - that's the way you do it

There's a new sensation

I had my head read by H,M Bocek

Now listen ho - we're stepping out

Hey Jude, don't make it bad

Whoa I feel good - I knew that I would

The first guy to use cocaine

In the beginning - back in 1955

our january survey asked for

Most strained circumstantial twosomes

(the twosomes HAD to be circumstantial and inescapable

- any degree of choice initiating the pairing disqualified it

Virginia Trioli / Scott Russell

Hawke / Keating

Brown / Gold (in context of Hawthorn FC)

Purple Wiggle / Blue Wiggle

Elton John / Elton John

Mike Tyson / women

Diana / Queen

Leigh Matthews / Jason Akermanis

Bill Wyman / Mick Jagger

J.Lo / hotel staff

Ginger Spice / Scary Spice

Don Bradman / Ian Chappell

Ian Botham / Ian Chappell (last year's Ch9 team)

Tony Grieg / Bill Lawry

GW Bush / Powell

Jane Pauley / Bryant Gumble

Domecevic / Colin Lovett

Armstrong / Aldrin

Bligh / Christian

Guevara / Castro

Rice / Webber

the WHAM! boys

Stratton / Pomeranz

Howard / Costello

Bruce Mansfield / Phil Brady

George Lazenby / Diana Rigg

Bert / Ernie

Carey / Stevens

Don Lane / Bert Newton

Rob Sitch / Santo Cilauro

our december survey asked for

Top Ten favourite Beatles songs

(one point each)

observations:

1. of the top 14, 6 were John's, 6 were Paul's, 2 were George's, 0 were Ringo's (as expected?)

2. of the 1-voted songs, about half were from The White Album

3. the top 6 were from their last 3 years (with George Martin producing)

FINAL VOTES

13 Let It Be

11 Hey Jude

10 A Day in the Life

7 Help!

7 Strawberry Fields Forever

6 In My Life

6 While My Guitar Gently Weeps

5 Get Back

5 Got to Get You into My Life

5 I Saw Her Standing There

5 Love Me Do

5 Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

4 Here, There and Everywhere

4 I Want to Hold Your Hand

4 Taxman

4 You've Got to Hide Your Love Away

3 Can't Buy Me Love

3 Hard Day's Night, a

2 Ballad Of John And Yoko, the

2 Happiness Is a Warm Gun

2 I Feel Fine

2 I'm Looking Through You

2 Maxwell's Silver Hammer

2 You Know My Name (Look Up the Number)

our november survey asked for

Benny Hill sight gags

Girl faints - 2 doctors rush to assist - one says "rub her shoulders" - one says "rub her neck" - street vendor suddenly appears with sign saying "rubber balloons"

Woman wearing a "Pat" nametag above her breast - Benny pats it

Priest reading from sermon printed on the wall - he opens door to leave - door obscures all of sermon except first letters from each line - reading down it spells "KNICKERS"

Benny enters MENS toilet - cleaner appears and collects his mop which had been obscuring the letters WO - Benny chased by irate bikini girls

Pretty girl - poisoned dart stuck in her bottom - asks if any of the men nearby could suck poison out - melee ensues

Man tries to set up fold-out deck chair - hilarity ensues

Ginger Tomkins - playing soccer - incredible ball control - ball attached to elastic on his boot

rear view close up of long blonde-haired woman - flirtatious man taps her on shoulder - she turns and it's really a hippy Benny Hill - man runs away
(many variations exist on this one, such as.....)

Benny is at British equivalent of Woodstock, goes up to what looks like blonde girl in hot pants and pinches her arse......little old man with long blonde hair turns around and slaps his face.

HOMES TO LET reads the sign. A pneumatic lass goes thru the door to inquire. The French painter finishes the sign: HOMMES TOILET

Idi Amin sitting at his desk - two trays on desk - one is labelled Amin - the other is labelled Amout

Head shots of people in fruit shop - pretty girl - camera pans back - melons are where her breasts would be

Benny is trimming a hedge - he starts chopping off flower heads. - woman stand up who was sitting behind hedge - the flowers of her hat have been chopped off - Benny chased through park by this woman, bikini girls, and nurses in tight outfits

our october survey asked

Songs you're ashamed you turn up loud while alone in your car

Teardrops on the Dance-floor.........Amber

Gold (Spandau Ballet)......................Mauve

Muskrat Love.................................Cookie

Convoy..........................................Khaki

Kung-Fu Fighting............................Thames Mud

Young Girl (G.Pucket)....................Canary

Built This City on Rock 'n Roll........Buff

Step back in Time (Kylie)................Mauve

Green Green Grass of Home............Thames Mud

Love Is in the Air.............................Apricot

Junior's Farm...................................Mauve

Standing in the Rain (JPY)................Khaki

Stayin Alive......................................Fawn

I think I Love You.(partridge)...........Charcoal

Two Little Boys (Rolf)....................Inky Blue

Super Trouper...............................Apricot

Love Is A Battlefield........................Mauve

Abergevenny...................................Khaki

Livin' On A Prayer.........................Mauve

Livin Next Door to Alice.................Cerise

Better the Devil You Know.............Azure

My Coo - Ca- Choo.....................Melon

Dancing Queen................................Dusky Pink

Must Have Been Love (Roxette)........Azure

She's Got the Look ( " " )...............Mauve

American Pie.....................................Khaki

our september survey asked

Most Bradmanesque domination of field of endeavour

John Holmes ( )

Eval Knieval (death wishing)

Miandad in the '92 India/Pakistan test

Franco Cozzo (do-it-yourself promotion)

Jocky Wilson (darts)

John Arlott (radio voice)

the Duke / Kylie ( not allowing inability at a craft to thwart career in said craft )

Enid Blyton (childrens fiction)

Bjorn Borg (Wimbledon)

Bee Gees ('78 pop charts)

Lance Armstrong (cycling)

Frank Wilson (talent show hosting)

Jesus (0 - 700 AD period only)

Mark Spitz (1972 Olympic swimming)

Pele (soccer)

British Navy (1690 - 1940)

Blue Wiggle (metrosexuality)

Benny Hill (double entendres - TV category)

Carry On team (double entendres - movie category)

Hayden Haitana (stuffing things up)

J. D. Salinger (inaccessibility - Earth category)

Neil Armstrong (inaccessiblity - Moon category)

our august survey asked

Worst Casting Decisions

Mike Myers - The Cat in the Hat

John Wayne "Greatest Story Ever Told": "Shirley that man is the son of Gawd"

Andrew Bolt - political commentator on the Insiders

Shane Bourne - MDA

Meryl Streep - Evil Angels

Robin Williams in Flubber, Millenium Man, Mrs Doubtfire, Birdcage, Jumanji

Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins

Roger Moore in 007

Denise Richards as nuclear physicist in 007

Barbara Bach as Russian spy in 007

Robert Carlyle as evil megalomaniac in 007

whoever played original Miss Moneypenny in 007

Maryam D'abo as the cellist love interest in 007

Eric Bana for what he might do as 007

Nicole Kidman as brain surgeon in that car-race film where she met TC

James Gandolfino in The Mexican

Bert Newton in anything other than a live situation

Marlon Brando in "Island of Dr Moreau" playing the title role (and ALSO playing Dr Moreau)

Mariah Carey in Glitter

James Reyne in Return to Eden

Graham Kennedy in the Club (much disputed)

Brad Pitt in Troy

Sally Field in Mrs Doubtfire

Miranda Otto in Lord of the Rings

Arnie in anything not involving weapons

Patrick Swayze in Ghost

Tom and Nicole in Eyes Wide Shut

Jamie Redfern in Liberace's 1974 tour

Rob Lowe in 16y.o. home video

Di Spencer in Dodi's Tour de France

Marvin Gaye's dad

our JULY survey asked

Under-appreciated lines from movies/TV

But I love him, I love him...... Manuel about the hamster in Fawlty Towers

Ah, juicyfruit - One flew over...

This here is Cundalin. Cundalin wants his hand back (Mad Max)

And somewhere out there is a young lady who will never be a nun - TSOM

You eat shit for breakfast? - Happy Gilmour

I'm sorry dave. I'm afraid I can't do that - 2001

I was so dehydrated my piss came out like snot - Usual Suspects

That's me jerking off in the showers - the highlight of my day - it's all downhill from here - American Beauty

I'm not THE God. I'm A God - Bill Murray (Groundhog Day)

Oh, Roy, all I want to do is help people and all you want to do is rob them - Evil Roy Slade

Sneakin, lyin, arrogance, dirtiness, evil. Put them all together and they spell SLADE

I was lonely. Get a dog.

(most of the others on previous months reminder email)

our JUNE survey asked

Masterpiece, schmasterpiece

Yes, I understand that history, learned scholars, experts in the field, and the public in general all consider it a masterpiece, but I disagree...

on what?

2 VOTES

Christo, Yellow Peril, Stairway to Heaven, Michaelangelo's David

1 VOTE

Pet Sounds - Beach Boys, Manequin Pis in Brussels

that red painting which is all red, Adidas "Roma"

Stark Juicy Salif, that Spanish (Basque) cook who uses truffle foam

Carlton's second half in the 1970 Grand Final, Ben Jonson, Seoul, 1988

anything by Mondrian, Last Tango in Paris

Peking Duck, the Pyramid at the Louvre

Whiter Shade of Pale, corrugated iron as an architectural device

Bruno Grollo's house, the Pyramids of Egypt

Hey Jude (because of the na nas), Sydney Harbour Bridge

Breakfast at Tiffanys, Smoke on the Water

Pissed Christ, Levis 501s,

Federation Square, Gladiator

latest Rolls Royce, Costello's budget

anything by Yes, Blue Poles

Gaudi's architecture in Barcelona, Wagner's Ring Cycle

The Bible, The Power of One - Bryce C.

The Sound of Music, The Bolero

Mona Lisa

Our May survey asked...

WORST SONG LYRICS

Wanna write a classic wanna write it in an attic

if you break this heart it might blow up and kill this man (achy breaky...)

Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti - Africa (Toto)

Oh what a feeling when you're dancing on the ceiling

I've been through the desert on a horse with no name

We built this city on rock and roll

We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks

There is good and bad in everyone - (Ebony + Ivory)

All we hear is radio ga ga radio goo goo radio gar gar

Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me for me for meeeeeee

I wanna tell her that I love her but the point is probably moot (Jesse's Girl)

(moot!!!)

that garden it is dorsetted that lady she's so corsetted (Boys Light Up)

anything post-Crawl-Reyne

Billy keep your pretty head low (Billy/Hero)

only time will tell if we'll stand the test of time - Van Halen

what do you get when you fall in love you get enough germs to catch pneumonia

if nixon had no ego he might not be in decay

(unravel the double negative and it suggests ego IS a dirty word)

you've got your textbooks I've got my guitars - radiators

she's precocious and she knows just what it takes to make a pro blush (Bette Davis Eyes)

guilty feet aint got no rhythm (Careless Whispers)

IN this ever-changing world IN which we live IN (Live and Let Die)

(two too many INs)

I was so much younger then - and for girls I had a great yen - Animals

turn around bright eyes - Total Eclipse of the heart

ANY MORE? - please email to stuartmcarthur@hotmail.com

our April survey asked...

OUT YOURSELF!

Who does the world despise but you think is "okay"

Mr White Posh Spice

Mr Cerise Mark Philippousis, Neil Diamond

Mr Mauve Mike Sheahan, Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer," Nathan Buckley

Mr Charcoal Paul Keating, Burt Bacharach, David Cassidy, Comical Ali

Mr Terracotta Peter Costello, John McEnroe

Mr Firetruck Red Bruce MacAvaney, Camilla Parker-Bowles, Damir Dokic, John Gorton

Mr Taupe Tom Selleck, Fergie

Mr Melon Jeff Kennett

Mr Thames-Mud Muralitharan, Jelena Dokic, James Hewitt, Montgomery Burns

Mr BritishRacingGreen Madonna, Matty Richardson

Mr Nude John Hewson

Mr Yellow Andrew Bartlett

Mr Blue people who refreeze thawed meat

our March survey asked...

Come up with cult songs

(a la cult movies)

all one voters except for

4: Holiday in Cambodia........Ded Kennedys

2: Relax................................Frankie Goes to Hollywood

2: Ca Plane Pour Moi............Plastic Bertrand

2: Little Green Bag.................George Baker Selection

1: to about 80 others

our February survey asked...

God lets us have a dead celebrity back (death declared a mistake - he/she still with us as tho nothing happened)

Who would you choose? (3 choices)

Is this vote disqualified? or okay?

the nomination reversing Paul McCartney's FAKE death into real one

4 votes

John Lennon

3 votes

Jesus, George Burns, Jimi Hendrix

2 votes

Mel Blanc, Hookesy, Freddy Mercury, Princess Di, Eric Clapton's kid

1 vote

Dale Buggins, Leonardo da Vinci, Hitler, Carl Sagan, Robert Reed, John Belushi, Bon Scott

Nicola Tesler, Eva Cassidy, Benny Hill, Sid Vicious, Zsa Zsa Gabor, John Wayne, Elvis

JFK, Hansie Cronje, George Harrison, Queen Mum, Alexander Pearce, Graham Chapman

Che Guevara, Jamie Tape

Our January survey asked...

Which Hanna Barbera / Warner Bros character was the street-wisest?

(Following is summary of consensus opinion on the night)

Quarter-finals:

1. Yogi Bear vs Bugs Bunny.........winner: Bugs (Yogi really just Homer Simpson prototype)

2. Top Cat vs Tweety-Bird.........winner: Top Cat (can't be street-wise if you live in a cage)

3. Foghorn Leghorn vs Pepe Le Pew........winner: Pepe (Foghorn Leghorn all talk)

4. Squiddly Diddly vs Morocco Mole

(default to Squiddly Diddly on trust as both are only known to Mr Firetruck Red)

Semi-Finals:

1. Bugs vs Squiddly winner: Bugs (Squiddly apparently confined to a swimmingpool)

2. Top Cat vs Pepe match of the tournament which went down to the wire. Eventually Pepe prevailed as Top Cat, despite his cunning schemes and Noo Yoik accent, usually never succeeded, whereas Pepe always got his kitty without breaking into a sweat

Grand Final:

Bugs v Pepe........ Winner: Bugs! After dressing in his female Bunny outfit, whose sex-appeal always seemed to traverse species boundaries, Bugs played the femme fatale card on Pepe. Pepe fell for it, (heart bulging out of chest, etc.) and Bugs led him to his doom. Never a worthier winner

Our December survey asked...

Which trend over-embracer

became that trend's snuffer-outer?

(I lost the results sheet that night - wouldn't have been the beers - so I'm relying on memory -

email me if you remember any more)

1. Flares: Rod Stewart from his Atlantic Crossing album cover

2. mutton-chops: Graham Garden (Goodies)

3. boy bands: Human Nature

4. macho moustaches: Merv Hughes

5. ripped jeans: Samantha Fox

6. concept albums: Rick Wakeman

7. shoulder pads: Krystal Carrington

8. mullet: Billy Ray Cyrus

9. perms: Mike Brady from Brady Bunch, Lionel Richie

10. meaningful songs: Charmaine (I've been to paradise)

11. platform heels: Elton John in "Tommy"

12: designer stubble (some footballer from Man United - ask Mr Cerise)

13: pastels and suntans: George Michael

14: buddy cops: the cast of C.H.I.P.S.

15: extroverted frontmen: David Lee Roth

16: OverLoud concerts: Slade

17: promoting retiring "favourite son" to coach: Francis Bourke

18: humble album covers: Led Zeppelin (LedZep4) White Album started, not erased it

Our November survey asked...

Worst Career Moves

(vote for your four best next month)

1. Phar Lap going to America

2. Tony Barber quitting Sale of the Century

3. Dannii Minogue asking Young Talent Team producers if they could find a small role for her sister in one their sketches

4. Sonny Bono trying out his new ski wax.

5. Nathan Buckley quitting Lions to improve chances of playing in a premiership

6. Cheryl Kernot (!!!)

9. Whatever Paul Mercurio's second movie was

10. Stu Sutcliffe deciding his future lay in Hamburg

12. Bob Crane buying a video camera

14. The Steve Price / Stan Zemanek exchange

16. Jeff Kennett buying 3AK

17. Adolph Hitler invading Russia

18. Kiss sans make-up

19. Bruce Samazan recording a single

24. Gough appointing Kerr

25. Jesus Christ appointing Judas

26. Glen Wheatley buying "The Ivy" nightclub

27. Whatever Glen Wheatley did or said to Delta Goodrem

28. Marilyn Monroe sleeping with JFK

29. Gary Glitter choosing an ISP

30. Greg Norman trying to clear the water in the US Masters

31. Malcolm Blight listening to Rod Butterss

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